My Immortal commentary
by angelicshadowdemondragon
Summary: Two People. One absolutely terrifyingly bad Fanfic. Both commenting. It's another My Immortal fanfic!
1. Intro

_Hi Everyone! This is Innoc3ntKitt3n a.k.a Kitty! _**And this is AngelicShadowDemonDragon. This is on my account.** _Not mine! _**We've decided to do a joint commentary on the worst fanfiction known to mankind- My Immortal.**

_A little Background info:_

Excerpt from _Encyclopedia Dramatica_: _My Immortal_ is the most famous, notoriously bad fan fiction ever written. Based _very_ loosely in the _Harry Potter_ universe and featuring the blatant Mary-Sue protagonist Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way, it reads like a detailed list of everything a fanfic author could ever possibly do wrong, only taken to exaggerated, horrifying extremes. Written by super-tard Tara Gilesbie, _My Immortal_ was originally posted to sometime in 2006, but was subsequently deleted by the staff after causing a severe drop in the site's collective IQ. In fact, the fanfic is so unbelievably bad that many refuse to accept that it's real, insisting that Tara was only trolling and that the story is really a parody. Regardless of the author's intent, _My Immortal_ remains one of the most cringe-worthy, unintentionally hilarious, so-bad-it's-good pieces of literature the internets have ever shat out.

_So shall we get started then?_

** We shall.**

_Another note- chapters 1-15 were edited by Raven, an apparent friend of Tara's. Then they had a falling out, or something, and the rest of the chapters were written by Tara by herself._


	2. Chapter 1

_First chapter! Enjoy! _**I doubt it.**

Chapter 1. _The terror starts…_

AN: Special fangz ( get it, coz Im goffik) _Not funny…_ **I guess Tara can't spell** 2 my gf (ew not in that way) _Sicko. I never thought about it that way._ raven, bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da story and spelling. U rok! Justin _Beiber?_ ur da luv of my deprzzing **Deprzzing? What is that?** life u rok 2! _I feel sorry for J.B… _**I don't. Yet. **MCR ROX! _Randomness…_

Hi my name is Ebony Dark'ness **begin the randomly** **placed apostrophes.** Dementia Raven Way _Whaaa? _and I have long ebony black hair _You are saying you have long Black black hair _ (that's how I got my name) _No shit, Sherlock! _with purple streaks and red tips _That sounds horrible…_ **Is this your natural colour? Or did you dye it? Cause I'm sure that ain't biologically possible. **that reaches my mid-back and icy blue eyes like limpid tears _What are limpid tears? Imma go look it up- never mind. _**That would be pretty. Sort of.** and a lot of people tell me I look like Amy Lee (AN: if u don't know who she is get da hell out of here!). _See ya! _**Wait for me!** I'm not related to Gerard Way but I wish I was because he's a major fucking hottie._So you like incest then?_ I'm a vampire but my teeth are straight and white _Obviously_. I have pale white skin. I'm also a witch, **Is that even possible?** and I go to a magic school called Hogwarts in England **Scotland, actually.** where I'm in the seventh year (I'm seventeen) _Because we couldn't figure that out ourselves_. I love hot topic and I buy all my clothes from there. _What is Hot Topic? Some sort of preppy clothes shop? In America? _ For example today I was wearing a black corset with matching lace around it and a black leather miniskirt, pink fishnets and black combat boots._ That sounds horrible. _**Excuse me whilst I throw up.** I was wearing black lipstick, white foundation, _But you said you were pale…_ black eyeliner and red eye shadow.** 'Scuse me again.** I was walking outside Hogwarts. It was snowing and raining so there was no sun, which I was very happy about. A lot of preps stared at me. **As in five year olds?** I put up my middle finger at them. _Because, why not? _**School rule No.1: No middle fingers at five year olds.**

"Hey Ebony!" shouted a voice. I looked up. It was…. Draco Malfoy! _It's started! Noooo! _**GET ME OUTTA HERE!**

"What's up Draco?" I asked.

"Nothing." he said shyly. _He was just calling to you. Now he's shy?_

But then, I heard my friends call me and I had to go away. _REJECTION!_

AN: IS it good? _NOPE!_ **Do you really want me to answer that? **PLZ tell me fangz! **I wish fangs would close around her neck. Not vampire fangs**

_Next chapter up soon! This is probably the best chapter out of all of them. Except for the on when-_

**DON'T SAY IT!**


	3. Chapter 2

_The saddest thing about this story is that I have a really good friend who's name is Ebony. Except that my friend is not a mary sue. Or a slut. Or a vampire._

_Get ready to lose some brain cells!_

Chapter 2.

AN: Fangz 2 bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da chapta! BTW preps stop flaming ma story ok! _We never will stop flaming… _**I flame literally. I set them on fire.**

The next day I woke up in my bedroom. _Lucky girl! I usually wake up outside!_ **I wake up in a cardboard box by the freeway. **It was snowing and raining again. _It's called sleet._ I opened the door of my coffin _Hold up. You could tell it was snowing an raining BEFORE you opened your coffin door? Does your coffin have, like windows or something? _ and drank some blood from a bottle I had _Eew_. My coffin was black ebony and inside it was hot pink velvet with black lace on the ends. I got out of my coffin and took of my giant MCR t-shirt which I used for pajamas. Instead, I put on a black leather dress, a pentagram necklace, combat boots and black fishnets on. I put on four pairs of earrings in my pierced ears, and put my hair in a kind of messy bun. _We don't need to know about your outfit. Kay?_

My friend, Willow (AN: Raven dis is u! _Of course it is _**Don't bring another semi-innocent person into this.**) woke up then and grinned at me. She flipped her long waist-length raven black hair with pink streaks and opened her forest-green eyes. _She woke up, grinned, flipped her hair and THEN opened her eyes? Wow Willow._ She put on her Marilyn Manson t-shirt with a black mini, fishnets and pointy high-heeled boots. We put on our makeup (black lipstick white foundation and black eyeliner.)

"OMFG, I saw you talking to Draco Malfoy yesterday!" she said excitedly. _Of course she did._

"Yeah? So?" I said, blushing. _Vampires can't blush. They can sparkle in the sun, but they can't blush. _**Vampires shouldn't sparkle in the sun either.**

"Do you like Draco?" she asked as we went out of the Slytherin common room and into the Great Hall. _After saying two sentences to Draco Willow immediately assumes Ebony likes him. _

"No I so fucking don't!" I shouted. _De Nial ain't just a river in Egypt!_

"Yeah right!" she exclaimed. Just then, Draco walked up to me. _*GASP!* Noooo!_

"Hi." he said.

"Hi." I replied flirtily. _She totally likes him. _**Ok. So, Draco walks up to her immeadiatley after she shouts out "No I so fucking don't!" in reference to her liking him. There is NO WAY he did not hear her. NO FRICKEN WAY.**

"Guess what." he said. **He didn't hear her. Excuse me whilst I put my head in a blender.**

"What?" I asked.

"Well, Good Charlotte are having a concert in Hogsmeade." he told me. _I'm sorry? Since when were Good Charlotte wizards?_

"Oh. My. Fucking. God!" I screamed. I love GC. They are my favorite band, besides MCR. _Well, duh!_

"Well…. do you want to go with me?" he asked.

I gasped. _She gasped. That's it? She couldn't, I don't know, explode with happiness and turn everyone back into character? Of course not. _**As if she would.**

_My hair got blonder as I read this. I swear._

_THE END._** I wish.**_ Unfortunately, not._

_Until next time!_


	4. Chapter 3

_Hey! We are here for chapter 3! Reminder:_

_Innoc3ntKitt3n's (My) comments are in Italics. _

_AngelicShadowDemonDragon (Can't I call you ASDD?)_

**_NO_**

_Fine. Anyway, she's bold._

**LET THE TORTURE BEGIN**

Chapter 3.

AN: STOP FLAMMING DA STORY PREPZ **NEVER!** OK! _Hello to you to. How was your day? Mine was good._ odderwize **Why.** fangs 2 da goffik ppl 4 da good reviews _How does she know it was the goths that gave good reviews?_! **Maybe they were by idiots. Or sarcastic.** FANGS AGEN RAVEN! Oh yeah, BTW I don't own dis or da lyrics 4 Good Chralotte. _She doesn't own the story? Then who does?_

On the night of the concert I put on my black lace-up boots with high heels. Underneath them were ripped red fishnets. Then I put on a black leather minidress with all this corset stuff _Lace_ on the back and front. I put on matching fishnet on my arms. I straightened my hair and made it look all spiky. _Okay…_ I felt a little depressed then, so I slit one of my wrists. _You say it so casually, like, Oh, I'm just going to go and slit my wrists now! Seeya!_ I read a depressing book while I waited for it to stop bleeding and I listened to some GC. I painted my nails black and put on TONS of black eyeliner. _So much that she drowned in it. _**FINALLY! A GOOD mental picture.** Then I put on some black lipstick. I didn't put on foundation because I was pale anyway. **Didn't stop you earlier!** I drank some human blood so I was ready to go to the concert. _Ya hear that kids? Whenever you need to go to a concert, drink some blood right before you go you go so youll be ready!_

I went outside. Draco was waiting there in front of his flying car. He was wearing a Simple Plan t-shirt (they would play at the show too), baggy black skater pants, black nail polish and a little eyeliner (AN: A lot fo kewl boiz wer it ok!). _Not at my school…_

"Hi Draco!" I said in a depressed voice. _I didn't read it like she was depressed._

"Hi Ebony." he said back. We walked into his flying black Mercedes-Benz (the license plate said 666) and flew to the place with the concert. _They flew WITH the concert? That doesn't sound right…_ On the way we listened excitedly to Good Charlotte and Marilyn Manson. We both smoked cigarettes and drugs. When we got there, we both hopped out of the car. We went to the mosh pit at the front of the stage and jumped up and down as we listened to Good Charlotte.

"You come in cold, you're covered in blood

They're all so happy you've arrived

The doctor cuts your cord, hands you to your mom

She sets you free into this life." sang Joel (I don't own da lyrics 2 dat song).

"Joel is so fucking hot." I said to Draco, pointing to him as he sung, filling the club with his amazing voice. **GREAT thing to say on a date Ebony. Well done. *slow clap***

Suddenly Draco looked sad.

"What's wrong?" I asked as we moshed to the music. Then I caught on.

"Hey, it's ok I don't like him better than YOU!" I said.

"Really?" asked Draco sensitively and he put his arm around me all protective. _OOC! OOC! OOC! _**OOC! OOC! OOC!**

"Really." I said. "Besides I don't even know Joel and he's going out with Hilary fucking Duff. I fucking hate that little bitch." I said disgustedly, thinking of her ugly blonde face. _Bahahaha! Ugly blonde face! Faces aren't blonde! And if you're trying to say that blondes are ugly, well, I take offense to that. I'm a blonde._

The night went on really well, and I had a great time. So did Draco. After the concert, we drank some beer and asked Benji and Joel for their autographs and photos with them. We got GC concert tees. Draco and I crawled back into the Mercedes-Benz, but Draco didn't go back into Hogwarts, instead he drove the car into… the Forbidden Forest! _DUN DUN DUUUUN! _**KILL THEM GRAWP! KILL THEM! (Note: I have read all the books. **_So have I!)_

_So that's the end… so far. See ya later!_


	5. Chapter 4

Chapter 4.

AN: I sed stup flaming **NEIN **ok ebony's name is ENOBY _Aah, so hr name is Enoby now. She changed her name. _nut mary su OK! DRACO IS SOO IN LUV wif her dat he is acting defrent! dey nu eechodder b4 ok!

"DRACO!" I shouted. "What the fuck do you think you are doing?"

Draco didn't answer but he stopped the flying car and he walked out of it _and plummeted to the ground_. I walked out of it too _and plummeted to the ground. In an instant, I was flattened, but Draco was suspended in mid-air. I was dying. I died, and everyone turned back into character_, _and then started cheering. _ curiously.

"What the fucking hell?" I asked angrily. _So she's angry and curious?_

"Ebony?" he asked.

"What?" I snapped.

Draco leaned in extra-close and I looked into his gothic red eyes (he was wearing color contacts) which revealed so much depressing sorrow and evilness and then suddenly I didn't feel mad anymore.

And then… suddenly just as I Draco kissed me passionately. Draco climbed on top of me and we started to make out keenly against a tree. He took of my top and I took of his clothes. I even took of my bra. Then he put his thingie into my you-know-what and we did it for the first time. _You need to go through sex ed again. _**If you are mature enough to mention this, you are mature enough to use their proper names.**

"Oh! Oh! Oh! " I screamed. I was beginning to get an orgasm. We started to kiss everywhere and my pale body became all warm. And then…. _Enoby/ebony exploded and died, turning draco back into character. _**I shot them.**

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS!"

It was…. _THE MAN IN THE MIRROR! _Dumbledore! _*GASP!* OMG! _**KILL THEM! PLEASE!**

**Note: We can only update when we congregate. So hopefully this Friday there will be another update. Hopefully.**


End file.
